It's going to be shit.
1. The Weeping Angels immediately became one of the most popular monsters in Doctor Who's history due to their clever and unique powers. They're portrayed by people in grey paint, and sometimes by bits of polystyrine. The production team still think fleets of CGI spaceships are a good idea, for some reason.
2. The name "Weeping Angels" was coined by the ancient Time Lords, as "The statues that can't move and don't kill you" wasn't pretentious enough for the people who brought us "The Medusa Cascade" (a big splodgey thing), "The Untempered Schism" (a hole with some blue bits) and "The Great Key of Rassilon" (a gun with enough power to kill a single Sontaran before disassembling itself and erasing the user's memory, which at least explains why it really is Gallifrey's last line of defense).
3. If they really believe in themselves, however, the Angels can move in plain sight and go around nonchalantly snapping people's necks, raising the question of why they were even in that story to begin with.
4. The sight of Matt Smith surrounded by Angels, narrowing his eyes and declaring 'There's one thing you should never, ever put in a trap... me!' makes the 'Make the foundation of this society a man who never would' scene from The Doctor's Daughter" seem a lot better in retrospect.
5. Similarly, the sheer desperation with which Steven Moffat gives the Angels new, often contradictory powers on a whim makes "The Vashta Nerada live in trees, and books are made of paper which comes from trees, so this library is a forest OF DEATH" look aesthetically and logically coherent.
6. And they're still more consistently written than Amy.
7. The letter J is forbidden in the Weeping Angel alphabet.
8. If the Angels are "Quantum Locked", then perceiving them through any sense should freeze them, not just sight, making them one of the few galactic menaces that would be rendered utterly helpless after a bad curry.
9. They're not as shit as the Toclafane.
10. My last girlfriend probably still likes them.
11. If you're ever cornered by a Weeping Angel, you can instantly escape by travelling back in time and helping yourself escape in order to travel back in time and help yourself escape. This will "finally" result in "a story with genuine intellectual complexity", according to Gallifrey Base and absolutely nobody else.
12. An image of an angel is capable of transforming itself into an actual angel by manipulating the way in which a conscious observer affects matter, which sounds like an interesting and creepy idea for a story until you actually watch it.
nightgigjo said
This is probably proof of me buying into all this but: what were the other four situations (specifically, did they mention Jonesboro, Arkansas?)
But Zoo seems to be overt in their sensationalism (unlike Fox News and other such big media).
But “Fun Massacre Quiz”? WTF?! That completely and utterly deserves the interrobang.
Oh, and being American is equivalent to owning a handgun, shotgun, pipe bomb, blogging about firearms or bullies or jocks, wearing a ‘goth trenchcoat’ or having the handle “Fatality666″ (all are +5). Lovely.
Richie said
Oh, the other four. Yeah, I just noticed I didn’t scan page 3. I’ll get around to that this afternoon.
EDIT: Fixed
cellycel said
*shakes head*
A guy at work was reading it, I notices the little bloodstain in the corner and was disgusted. I showed it to a bunch of other people at work, and only one of them thought there was anything wrong with it.
stormy said
Mmmm, I scored 27. Mind you, I got a 10 with “I’m seriously considering a killing spree as a hobby”. The fact that my killing spree may take place in the offices of ZOO…
…ah, perhaps then we can all sit around and have a good laugh about it?
Camryn said
But where’s the list of top ten hot babe victims? That’s, like, a huge oversight on their part.
Richie said
Didn’t America’s Next Top Model already do that?
Camryn said
True! But top ten real life hot babe massacre victims could be a new angle. Maybe we can look forward to a follow-up issue. They could include a poll – vote for your fav hot babe victim.
Richie said
God, imagine the potential innuendo you could get out of that one.
Purtek said
Is it wrong to be amused that they can’t do basic math? I zoomed to focus on the one on the Montreal massacre (because it’s familiar and I knew it would provide ample evidence of “wannabe Ramboim” in a few short sentences), and it says that when Lepine first started shooting, he killed 6 women and wounded 3 others, then went on to kill 5 more. The total at the top (which is the correct one) was 14 dead.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think this stupidly offensive sensationalism at its worst, but it helps my sanity to dismiss the writers with the knowledge that they can’t even add.
Richie said
And the target audience can’t read, so that’s another plus.
[i:rrhoblog] » Deutschland wieder auf Platz 3! said
[...] Abt. für Medien Jedenfalls bei den Top 10 Bloodiest School Massacres Ever! [...]
Anonymous blogger “stunned” after something he was told would go away if he ignored it did not, in fact, go away when he ignored it « Crimitism said
[...] Australia’s foremost celebration of hate-fueled idiocy, a magazine that isn’t above celebrating serial killers and eroticising corpses, think he’s a useless [...]