The Lace Curtain vs. The Reptilian Agenda

Another of the multitude of reasons I can’t be bothered engaging with Men’s Rights Activists is that they’re basically David Icke without the entertaining bits. Icke, for those who’ve found better uses for their neurons, is a former soccer commentator who realised he was actually the son of God, placed upon the earth to deliver us from shape-shifting lizards, and proceeded to cobble together a conspiracy theory out of spectacularly over-literal interpretations of African mythology, UFO abduction stories and videos of world leaders where their pupils look sort of vertical if you freeze-frame. This has, some would say understandably, failed to convince the world at large. However, rather than taking this as a cue to step back and rethink his reliance on conjecture and bad Photoshopping, Icke has instead interpreted people’s unwillingness to believe him as the effect of worldwide reptilian brainwashing. If this sounds familliar, it’s because it’s the exact same argument Men’s Rights Activists have made about women, which Nicholas Davidson termed “the Lace Curtain” in The Failure of Feminism and Jack Kammer dedicates an entire festering book to in If Men Have All The Power, How Come Women Make The Rules? (What, you don’t have a copy? It’s free! NB. I’m not factoring in the cost of a new monitor after you inevitably headbutt the screen somewhere around page 7). But, wait, surely it’s not fair for me to compare them, since the men’s movement is grounded squarely in reality, while Icke’s consciousness is flying around the fourth dimension somewhere? In order to determine whether I can afford to be this flippant, we’ll compare and contrast the two conspiracy theories’ performance across three key areas. In the interests of fairness, since most of the people reading this will already be familliar with the Men’s Rights Movement, I’ll occasionally drop in a random factoid from Reptilian Watch. You be the judge.

The Zoo Weekly Compatibility Experiment, #24 to #1

Every time I buy anything from the place I got this copy of Zoo from now, the guy behind the counter gives me a knowing look and says “And will there be… anything else with that?”, making him the second most irritating person who’s ever worked there. The most irritating was a man whose eyeballs looked like they were desperately trying to flee his skull before his brain exploded, and would greet my regular 4am visits with “G’DAY MATE HOW’S YA DAY GAAARRRN?”. It’s 4am and I’m buying microwave nachos while wearing the clothes I slept in; how the fuck do think my day is going? He was eventually fired for amphetamine use.

Productivity: Week 2, aka why I haven’t been posting here or anywhere else for ages

• Open Word.
• Stare.
• Get up.
• Alphabetise DVD collection.
• Re-organise DVD collection by genre, ensuring there is no distinction between animation and live action. That “animation” is considered a genre is a pet peeve of mine, as if DearS and My Neighbour Totoro belong in the same room, let alone the same shelf.
• Realise I haven’t done any work.
• Have panic attack.
• Watch The Seventh Seal to cheer myself up.
• Re-organise Doctor Who DVDs, CDs and novels in chronological order, based on the time period that the story is set in, purely because I know it will take the longest possible time and require me to cross-reference various continuity guides.
• Realise what I’ve done.
• Collapse into abyss of self-loathing.
• At least it’s not Dragonball Z.
• Feel marginally better.
• Write paper on snake symbolism throughout history, beginning with the Mahabharata and ending with Metal Gear Solid.
• Try writing new blog update.
• Delete it.
• Start again.
• Give up.
• Consider enrolling in another course after I graduate.
• Realise that the course I want to do next year requires units I’ve already finished, and whether or not I complete this degree is irrelevant.
• Ponder whether “I have three unfinished degrees” makes me look like a broadly-knowledgeable journeyman or just a directionless waste of biomass.
• Stress-induced illnesses say: Who cares!
• Download application form.

I’ll stop ignoring everybody and finish off all my half-written entries now. Or will when I wake up, anyway.