Parents’ groups and healthcare experts have condemned an online game which recently appeared on Earth through a magical portal to parallel universe.
The Miss Bimbo online game, which spontaneously appeared through the magical portal at the bottom of Farmer Wormrot’s garden, has attracted an audience of girls as young as nine. Taking control of a virtual “bimbo”, the players compete against each other by buying increasingly revealing outfits, undergoing cosmetic surgery and staying thin by taking appetite suppressants.
Healthcare professionals and parents’ groups have criticised the website for sending such destructive, damaging messages to young women. “Those messages certainly weren’t there before last month”, said a spokesperson for the Keeper of the Realms, “It’s not as if we live in a climate of cultural misogyny that would have inspired anybody on Earth to make this kind of game, so for it to just fall through a magical portal like that has really cocked things up, let me tell you”.
“Of course, people are bombarded with these kinds of messages”, clarified a smirking media pundit whose ironic appreciation of Ed Wood movies provides them with unparalleled insight into popular culture, “but this is only happening in the Golden Kingdom beyond the portal. When you consider that girls over there are socialised from birth to think their only worth is in their appearance, and that boys are brought up believing they’re entitled to sexually harass women as a form of bonding, they’d obviously grow up into the sorts of people who’d make a game like this. But expecting the people of Earth to take responsibility for a freak occurrence which was created entirely in a vacuum by people who aren’t at all a product of our culture is simply ridiculous”. Satisfied that he’d shown his “serious” side, he spent the remainder of the afternoon ridiculing Britney Spears for shaving her head.
“We simply ask that the game is destroyed in the molten heart of Frostblood Mountain” said a spokesperson for Think Of The Children, a group who think about children without actually paying any attention to them. “We are certain this will automatically solve every single problem relating to the game instantaneously”. When asked what would happen if a similar game fell through the portal in the future, he refused to comment.
“Come on girls, it’s just a bit of fun, eh?” added former Big Brother host and displaced banshee Gretel Killeen, before concluding with whatever she thinks will get her on television again.
