Advent Calendar, Day -1: Operation Matriarchy, The Non-Review
Posted by Richie on December 24, 2008
The original plan – original as of five days ago, anyway – was to review a free demo the PC game Operation: Matriarchy. Sadly, the demo crashes every time I try to load it, which is either a fault with the program itself or (more likely) my machine just can’t handle that many bikini cyborgs at once. The size of the demo also had the effect of maxing out my download limit, so I’m reduced to worse-than-dialup speed until January, meaning I can’t dig up anything else in place of it. Nevertheless, I can still mount an expedition into the game directory and attempt to piece together the experience from what I unearth.
An unknown extraterrestrial virus attacks all female population of
Velian planet and makes them unrecognizable. Their bodies change,
and their minds fuse into a collective intellect, probably
controlled by some non-humanoid creatures. Male population,
though virus-resistant, are no longer independent sentient beings
and serve as bio material sources for further genetic experiments
and as part of complex biomechanical systems. Society transforms
into sort of a matriarchal formicary.
Without warning, the alarmed figure of Dr Glenn Bench, his face white with fear, staggered into the laboratory, one sweating palm held to his chest, the other clutching a computer print-out in a vice-like grip. “Professor Stamp”, he gasped, “all the female Velian colonists have fused together into a collective hive-mind and the planet has become…” he squinted at the print-out “…a sort of matriarchal formicary. What could possibly have caused this?”. Professor Gavin Stamp lowered his space pipe from his lips and stared thoughtfully at the lunar surface for what seemed an age. “Some non-humanoid creatures”, he said, returning his gaze to Dr Bench. “Probably”.
You are a private paratrooper of the Government expeditionary
corps attaching Velian. As you fulfil missions, headquarters send
you more along with corresponding weapon and equipment options,
and you grow better and better informed about where the Velian
human anomaly roots in.
Yes, not only do we have every single first person shooter cliche imaginable, but every single antifeminist cliche imaginable as well. A Space Marine is stranded in the ruins of a former human colony planet that was assimilated by an alien techno-virus, but it’s a matriarchal virus that turns men into lifeless drones and women into (literally) man-eating monsters. Thoughtfully, the virus at least made them sexy monsters. Maybe it’s a nanomachine offshoot of the magic feminist gas from The Wotch.
I don’t like to be reminded of Torchwood at the best of times, but just looking at this screenshot is giving me flashbacks to “Cyberwoman”. Surely if ever there were a premise with a built-in safety net, it’s cyborgs fighting dinosaurs while the main characters randomly cop off with each other, but Chris Chibnall is a very special man (with hindsight, at least nobody gets buried alive for 1300 years before being dug up and continuing the exact same conversation they were having when they got buried). What is worth noting about the enemies, though, is that – if the screenshots I stole from Gamer’s Hell are anything to go by – they’re not all Gieger Barbie.
What the hell is that thing supposed to be? The thing at the front looks like a snout, and sticking out of the head are either ears or horns. Is it a minotaur? A matriarchal minotaur? I’m surprised more MRA screeds don’t compare women to minotaurs, actually; beyond the obvious “cow” comparison, women are well-known to trap men in labyrinths of deception and emotional manipulation from which the only escape is to slay the beast and retrace your steps using the string of empowerment. Escaping from the Minyos that is the matriarchal west, however, men may fail to hoist the white sail of activism, causing a despairing Warren Farrel to hurl himself into the ocean. It’s worth a shot.
Exploring the directory also yields hundreds of sound effects in .wav format, including what I assume is in-game dialogue. Sadly, none of it is particularly matriarchal in nature, so you’ll need to go back to your copy of The Wicker Man if you want your fix of “The drone must die!”. But we do get…
- “Hey, wake up, soldier! Time to knock those scoundrels into… … … …WHATEVER YOU LIKE!” (A woman’s giving you orders, so the game’s not sexist anymore, phew!)
- “Look … Pavil … drag me to that … control … panel … … … … over there“
- I asssume this is a monster sound effect. It’s incredible, whatever it is. If the sexy matriarchal minotaur in a thong makes this noise, it may well justify not only the existence of Operation: Matriarchy, but the human race itself.
Bored over Christmas and have a computer capable of running first person shooters more complex than Wolfenstein 3D? Why not try Operation: Matriarchy for yourself!
agouti-rex said
With a name like “Operation: Matriarchy,” I thought this was a gag post until I found it on Wikipedia.
I’m probably looking too closely at the Gieger Barbies but, uh, do they have one mechanical breast and one organic breast with a mechanical pasty? Uh.
That minotaur thing just looks like a Gieger Barbie wearing some sort of giant head carapace thingy — I can still see her SEXY SEXY MONSTER LEGS sticking out underneath. Also, the minotaur metaphor probably requires a more in-depth understanding of classical mythology than most MRA sorts care to pursue, so that would probably explain its absence.
Seren said
Your interpretation of the plot summary fills me with happiness.
wiggles said
Are you sure it’s a minotaur and not a harpy? Both are animal-human hybrids, but I think the harpy would be more fitting with the misogynist theme here. The fact that, instead of giving the siren creature the upper body of a human and the lower body of a non-human, they get the whole harpy/siren bodily configuration back-asswards can be attributed to rank stupidity.
Richie said
Or they could include a bunch of supersoldier women whose bodies are based on famous models and are only capable of being beautiful and submissive or raging psychopaths, then have it so when you beat them you get transported to a white void where they pose for you and you take pictures. Obviously no professional game designer would do this, though.
Joan Kelly said
I just noticed your new tagline or whatever it’s called, under the title of this blog, and sorry it’s off topic to this thread – but look, if you don’t want me to come here and shout that I FUCKING LOVE YOU every so often, please go ahead and stop saying things that compel me to do so. Thank you and happy new year.
Richie said
And likewise to you, dear!
The great MATRIARCHAL CONSPIRACY (Southern Divn) said
Dear Richie,
Our Central Committee has determined that you have not posted in OMG over two weeks.
This is not acceptable to us. Plz to stop enjoying yourself, put down that voddy and tonic and write some more posts. Otherwise, there will be Consequences.
Once our brains cool down enough to think up some.
Richie said
Have been forced to spend the last month drawing argument structure diagrams and attending classes at the ungodly hour of 10am stop
Will attempt to finish some of my pile of unfinished drafts dating back to June last year stop