Bettina Arndt full of shit; Bear-Pope remains Catholic and opposed to use of portable lavatories

It was a dark and stormy night, and successful sex therapist Bettina Arndt was seated before the fireplace of her sprawling, baroque castle, supping special champagne made from the tears of orphans. “You know whose needs are being ignored?”, she thought to herself, “Men’s”. Gazing deeply into the fire, she pondered why this was. They seemed much, much happier before women had any semblance of independence,  and since men are always right about everything, obviously this couldn’t be their fault. Suddenly, inspiration hit her like a lightning bolt, and she defiantly sprang to her feet. “Eureka!”, she exclaimed,  “I shall write a book about how marital rape is awesome!”.

’cause the world’s really crying out for more people complaining about men being oppressed and women ruining everything by not putting out on demand like in the good old days when men were men and women were organic fleshlights-stroke-culinary automata. Actually, available evidence suggests the world really is crying out for it, since this revelation is based on the diary entries of ninety eight different couples, many of whom apparently felt the same way. Well, the men did, anyway, which was so shocking, shocking I tell you, that Arndt just had to let us know. A bunch of entitled manchildren are annoyed at the fact their wives aren’t 24/7 emergency blowjob machines; who’d have guessed?

So Arndt, crusader for truth and justice that she is, is proud that she’s given these men the “opportunity” to sound off about how gosh-darn unfair it is that their wives don’t like the idea of indentured labour as a masturbatory aide. Take special note of Arndt’s use of  “opportunity”, a word which implies men weren’t allowed to whine about this before, and also that she lives in a parallel universe where there are no sit coms, stand up comedians, talk shows, relationship guides, men’s magazines, women’s magazines, advertisements, films or Sam Brett. WOMEN ARE THE REAL TERRORISTS! THEY TAKE THE VAGINA HOSTAGE AND THREATEN TO KILL IT UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO THEIR DUMB SHIT, AM I RIGHT, FELLAS? WOOP WOOP WOOP! And so on.

See, this is where a sensible and intelligent person with the ability to empathise with other human beings and respect their feelings – basic requirements for a sex therapist, you’d think – would try to understand why there’s “a chasm in the bedrooom”. Maybe their libidos just aren’t compatible and they should look for partners who are more in tune with them. Maybe there’s some underlying tensions or security issues. Maybe they’re overworked. It could be migranes, for all we know. The point is, these issues could be dealt with in a way which is actually constructive and might go some way to resolving the problem, even if it means both sides making some sacrifice or compromise. Arndt takes a different approach, which is to say the problem is the fault of women who are rejecting men’s pure and noble attempts at love and intimacy, the cold-hearted harridans. While I may not be no fancy sex therapist, I’ve still managed to make the following observations, for which I don’t expect $34.95 : 1) Sex is not the only form of physical intimacy; 2) You’re not entitled to anything, and if nobody wants to fuck you then it’s your problem; 2a) Maybe you’re rubbish in bed, did you ever think of that?; 3) Sex with bored, hostile people isn’t very fun anyway and you may as well just masturbate; 4) If you do find yourself fucking someone who’s hostile the idea of having sex with you, congratulations, you’re a rapist, join the frighteningly long queue.

And on and on it goes. Arndt says she was surprised when couples would give her two different versions of the same event, and for once I believe her, because she seems pathologically incapable of seeing things from any other perspective than gee-whiz-men-are-all-fantastic. Men have a “need” for sex which women aren’t fulfilling, but women apparently don’t have a need for control over their own bodies. When questioned on whether the men she interviewed maybe aren’t getting laid because they’re self-centred jerks who no woman in her right mind would sleep with unless coerced, she pays lip service to the idea that this is a problem with “some” men and then goes on to detail a “lovely” and “gorgeous” man she interviewed who believed “no man has a right to undress a woman unless he dresses her first”. In Decent Human With Comedy Cat Noises, this means that he takes women to boutiques, buys them expensive clothing and then rrrrow takes if off them again. Isn’t the art of seduction DELICIOUS? Sure, if she doesn’t put out then she’s a gold-diggin’ ho, but the bitch knew the risks so it’s her fault. I’d love to hear antimisandry.com’s take on this. OK, not really.

Y’see, the problem is that there are “ideological assumptions surrounding women’s right to say no”. It turns out that Arndt is totally against marital rape – dodged that bullet -  but she does want to challenge the “assumption” that women need to want to have sex with their partners in order to have sex with their partners. So marital rape is wrong, but women should still be expected to have sex with their partners even if they don’t want to, which is totally different. Got that? She’s a qualified psychologist, what do we know?

“I’m not saying do it for him, I’m saying do it for you“. Yes, of course you are.

Watch her entire Lateline interview here! (We wish to advise that this may cause retching in some viewers).