Gamer Misogyny THE PREQUEL
Posted by Richie on June 19, 2010
Ah, the girlfriend, the bane of the modern roleplaying gamer. Yes, they’re soft and smell like flowers, but they sure don’t seem to understand gaming.
Scanned from Dragon Magazine, April 2002. Click to enlarge, if you dare.
So yes, the entire article is about how women need to change their attitude toward gamers, because asking gamers to change their attitude toward women is unreasonable. Surprisingly absolutely nobody.
The complete 3rd Edition-friendly monster profile, because it’s probably the worst part.
Medium Sized Insider (If she asks, she’s small)
Hit Dice: Don’t even mention this, it’s just begging for a lawsuit.
Initiative: You’d better let her go first, bub.
Speed: Faster than you, bub.
AC: Again with the lawsuit.
Attacks: Manipulate, 142 ranged incporporeal.
Damage: 8d12 (mental)
Face/Reach: No matter what it looks like, say “beautiful”/your cell phone’s free roaming area.
Special Attacks: Withering Stare, Cell Phone, Silent Treatment, Mother-in-Law.
Special Qualities: Great Personality, Dizzying Mood Swings, Immune to Sports.
Saves: Coupons; baby pictures; little mementos from your first that you completely forgot about.
Abilities: Varies, but you’d damn well better say Charisma 20 if asked.
Skills: Perform (melodrama) 10+, Hide (your keys) +12, Sense Motive +475
Climate: Your house? It isn’t yours anymore.
Organzation: Solitary or clique (2d4)
Challenge Rating: Your level + 6
Alignment: Varies. No, we mean it really, really, varies.
Treasure: More clothes than the entire gaming group, two paychecks worth of shoes, your wallet.
Author’s Note: Top-secret Dragon research polls indicate that roughly 51% of the human population finds Mr. Herndon’s article offensive. The good doctor recommends that the 51% count back from ten, take a deep breath, and eat a box of bon bons while watching “Sleepless in Seattle” for the 47th time. But dinner had better be ready when I get home. And would it kill you put on a miniskirt once in a while, for cryin’ out loud?
I’d like to apologise for that time I complained about White Dwarf. Sort of. Anyone who feels moved to point out that, being published in the April issue, this was probably a joke will be required to submit an accompanying essay explaining how regurgitating a bunch of commonly-accepted sexist stereotypes in the form of D&D statistics qualifies as a joke.